Kip reaches across the living room with the broom-handle, lightly poking the sleeping seal upon the couch.
One poke. The seal continues to snore. Another light poke. A flipper absently bats at the broom-handle.
"Murflewahdday want"
In a quiet and timid voice, Kip says, "Warren, you need to get up. We have a bit of a problem and we think you can help."
"Well, see Quin and I have a disagreement and we need a tie-breaker vote.
"Grumbyou're wakin meupfordis?"
"We can't decide if we should set fire to the telephone, or just start air-horn blasting the people that keep calling. We figured you'd know."

Seriously, the next twit that calls my cell to tell me my BanksSouthern account has been closed until I provide them with my credit card number, pin, social security number and my mother's maiden name? I'm going to kill you. I'm going to find you, jam my phone up your nose and then turn the seal loose to really work you over. BanksSouthern? REALLY!?!? Do people FALL FOR THIS BALLYHOO?? Whoever the foreign recorded voice is on the other side of the phone speaks english worse than a redneck dropout to start. Honestly people, if you cannot figure out when to put an "s" on the end of a sentence, don't call me. Use proper diction, okay? "Credits Carders" is not a real word. Nor should it be.
Should I be ashamed I gave them a fake card number? Heck, I told them the card expires in 2125 for goodness sakes. Then they stupidly tell me "Thanks! That is the correct information!" REALLY? I randomly guessed a guy from the future's credit card number? AWESOME! Maybe I should try to guess the lotto numbers for the year 2125 and see how that works out for me.

D&DNext - or, perhaps D&DPrevious

I've read over everything, slept on it, and I think I'm ready to be honest about how I feel on reading this particular set of Beta Release Documents. *ahem*

"For the love of all that is holy, why?"

I know that the NDA prevents me from doing anything other than talking in general terms, I can't share the documents themselves (except with my players, who are also supposed to log onto the website and sign the NDA to get a copy of their own documents... which I'm sure they will do!). However we are supposed to give opinions and the like. I can only hope the rules I do discuss I'm not going into too much detail - If I am, *shrug* so be it. :P

So, here we go. First off, I like a few of the changes. The small change to dead/dying is very nice, slick and actually a lot more fun/challenging than the 4ed system. I like the fact you cannot target an inviable creature - no more swinging at the "square I think he may be in" junk. You can't see him. Sod off.

I kinda am okay with the return of the Vancian (am I spelling that right? - HOLY Carp I am!). I never really liked it, honestly. Tis the reason I rarely played a mage. I hated having the "wrong" spell memorized. But, they have given all spellcasters a boost by handing them "minor spells" - which basically work like at-will spells in 4ed. So, the caster can't ever run out of spells. Nice. As well, those spells you never wanted to memorize but needed too? Alarm? You don't have to memorize a spell unless you want to use it quickly. Spells like alarm, sending, etc - those can be memorized for quick casting - or if you cast it as a ritual, needs no memorization. So, yeah - they basically took a spell system I wasn't that fond of - and made good improvements to it. Bully for them!

But then?

Then they took all Non-spellcaster classes and slapped the 4ed cool right out of them. Rogues? Yeah, swing that weapon, buddy. Sneak attack is, again, dependent on a "discussion" between you and the DM on if you can actually apply it. Get those "BUT I SHOULD HAVE IT!" fights ready, boys and girls! Warriors? Swing your sword, done. OH wait.. that's not quite right. Swing your sword OR Shoot your bow, done. At second level, twice a day you can swing twice. *twirls finger in fake glee* Weeeeeee.....That's it. OH, no ...wait.... I do damage even if I miss that swing. Yeah. Let me take a moment to think how utterly awesome that is when the mage is using HIS "I can do this every round" abilities of either 1. Immobilize at range, 2. doing damage in melee comparable to a long sword OR 3.Damage at range...without having to worry about that pesky to-hit at all. Yep. Let me swing that sword. Well, and there is the cleric... he can, at will, 1. do longbow damage, 2. Enchant his weapon (only his) to do an extra 1d6 for a the length of a combat and there is more.... OH, and both of them have those Vancian spells as well! For 4d6 and more damage, or charm, or fear, or heal, or...or.... Yeah.. Let me swing my sword. *sigh* Your turn, caster.

THIS is what ticks me off right here. They fix the issue with spellcasters running out of spells - but DON'T fix the problem with fighters only "Swing sword - do damage." Really? The reason why, they say? Combat was getting too long. WELL FIX THAT PART OF THE PROBLEM DUDE! Actually address the problem, don't just take away the thing that made warriors/fighters/barbarians/etc finally have as much FUN as the mages away. Screw you. Seriously, FIX the REAL problem. The cake taste a bit funny, fix it - don't just not let me eat cake at all.

And the mobs that had cool abilities? Slapped the 4ed right outta them too. Mobs are basically nothing more than warrior blocks of "Swing-damage-die" Nothing cool at all. A few might have something like a spell here or there. But, basically, all the cool variety that was in 4ed - HELL even some of the cool from 3rd - gone. They read like 1st ed monsters, 2nd at best.

I also have issue with the way some stuff is written - Prone for instance. Fix your wording, cause you are just confusing a "rules lawyer" like me. The way you wrote it makes no sense what-so-ever.

Oh - remember how in 4th ed healing wasn't a boring chore anymore? Suck it. It is again. But don't worry, it is so little that if you can actually have multiple combats in a day -you're a corpse. Seriously, first level I can do two healing spells. They are the only thing I do my turn. I get two. All day. That's it. IF I MEMORIZED BOTH OF THEM. Yep - they are the spells I gotta memorize. Healing between fights? Extremely minimum. If this is the way they fixed the "nobody used healing potions" argument - I gotta give props to the Alchemist guild's lobbyist on this - good work guys. Cause now I'll be putting a straw in those things and slurping them like I'm playing Diablo3. Hell, I hope when I hit an orc, healing potions pop out of his head - cause if not, I'm never gonna live to see level 2.

Remember Skills? Gone. Basically removed to the point they look like 1st edition again... YES, I said 1st edition. Remember flanking? Opportunity attacks? Gone. Replaced with something called "Advantage/Disadvantage" - which is also how you know if you can sneak attack. How do you get this advantage? Well, except for Prone (which the rule is written poorly - and I can't be certain exactly when it works for ranged people) - I can't see a definite way to get such. Period. Basically, "When the DM thinks you have such."

So yep - time for us to fight over when we have or don't have something. Cause there are no maps anymore, no grid. Back to Theater of the MIND! *sigh* which for me was always "Theater of the "FUCK YOU DM I DO TOO HAVE FLANK!* Fights" With a grid, there is no DISCUSSION to even be had. You have it - you don't. Period. No "well, if I argue with the DM, she'll give it to me so I'll shut up. And if I don't get it, I'll pout for a half-hour and make the DM so uncomfortable that I she won't dare argue with me again...." Not even a "Well, maybe I can convince her." Little graph shows where you are, do you meet requirements Yes/No? Ta-DA!

From what I can see here? New system is not that way at all. OH, and what does that Advantage do - beside let the rogue toss in that 1d6 extra damage? You roll 2d20 - keep the best dice for the roll. Yep. You heard that right. That is fraking huge. That isn't a +2 to a hit, people. That is two rolls. All of us that play these games know that 2 rolls is always statistically better than a +2. That said, if the DM gives you Disadvantage? Yep, you guessed right - roll 2d20 keep the lowest. And except for being prone, or using a ranged attack in melee damage - again, it seems this is up to the DM to decide if you have it or not. And trust me, there will be just as many "NO I DON'T" disagreements here as there are "YES I DO" fights over the other.

You know what, WOTC? THAT right there fraks up the speed of my combats a lot more than the monk having a cool movement ability, the warrior marking someone (which the warrior cant do - the cleric can... yes, you heard that shit right people) or the cleric healing with a minor and actually doing something else with his standard (Minor actions? Gone - you can just do as many as the DM will let you it seems..... more disagreement to ensue there as well). Disagreements over if I can or cannot take a TON more time. Arguments about "OH no the fireball didn't hit me!" will be around again. The wonderful "I can line the lightning bolt up to hit every badguy but none of my friends!" is coming back.... *sigh* I have a headache just thinking about it.

I appreciate that some D&D players wanted it "old school" - but guess what. Those books ALREADY EXIST. Open them up. They are on your shelf right now. If I wanted to play 1st ed, I'd be playing it. I surely am not going to want to buy a bastardization of 1st/2nd/3rd that ignores the best parts of 4th entirely.

That said, there is one glimmer of hope. This is Beta. This is the "basic" - and WOTC has said there will be "modules" that let you add more rules that you prefer. So this is supposed to be the "bare bones basic" of the set. Which means I gotta buy EVEN MORE SHIT. Thanks guys. But at least means that maybe, just maybe, this isn't anything but a stripped down start.

As a person that has switched every time an edition has been released? This may be the time I become "That guy" - the fellow that clutches his old books and screams that he won't let go. Ah well, I can spend that money on other hobbies I guess :P

Back to the crew

Warren sits on the front stoop, his head perked listening to the television behind him. The smile on his face is reaching terrifying proportions. Poor Kip, frightened by his happiness leans toward Quin...

"Why does Warren look like he just beat that yappy dog from across the street into a coma?"
"Well, two reasons. One, Javid Best just ran in a touchdown and Warren is gonna win all three of his Fantasy Football games this weekend because of it. Reason two? We got a new housemate."
Kip's eyes widen, "HUH?!? Wait a minute - this house is full! Emma has the guest room, CM has the kitchen, Warren lives in the Living Room, you have the Computer Room and I get the regular bedroom when Mom isn't there. Where the devil are we gonna put another housemate?"
"The Garage. Warren promises that he'll be quiet and that the garage is perfect."
"For WHO?!?!"

Suddenly, Warren leaps to his flippered feet. "He's HERE! WOOT!" He dashes around to open the garage for a rather large panel truck. The back goes up, and striding out is a white Frigidaire freezer.

Kip looks confused. "A Freezer?"
Quin nods. "Yep. A freezer. Apparently Warren wanted a buddy to hang out with when he needs 'Cold Time' and after the payoff money he got for drafting Vick we could afford one."
"Why does it have a penguin painted on the front?"
"I think that's its name... but you aren't pronouncing it right. It should be said, PEN-GWEN"
"That isn't how you say Penguin"
Quin grins, "You haven't heard mom get flustered playing Mario Cart have you?"


So, I can have livejournal ping to facebook that I've updated ONLY if I set my entry to Public. I'm not so sure I like that... I do like the fact that LJ cares a bit about my privacy, and is smart enough to know that facebook doesn't....


Guess I'm just gonna have to put a little note on my facebook when I update here from now on...

Time to get back to Livejournal...

I'm a wordy girl, ya know.

And poor Warren. He's been all sad and mopy. No place to speak out, yell, rant. Facebook is to... well... public? Is that the word?

Ah well - to hell with it. Back to Livejournal where I can be myself, darnit!

Warren says he'll update you guys as well about the triage unit we call fantasy football teams. Its bad... you know its bad when your own mom calls and says, "Honey, Warren's quarterback just broke his hand." Yep, yep mom he did. Well bruised they say now.

I digress...

To reiterate. Facebook? Sorry, not enough rant room, guys. Nice stupid games, no rant space.
As always, when I get a crazy idea - I find asking you, the smarter than I, to give me some advice on things!

I have procured a laptop from my mom, which I will be picking up from her in a few weeks. I plan on making it my "storyboard" computer for my gaming notes, and my writing work. Which means? I plan on putting a ton of gameworld stuff on that sucker.

Now, that said - I've had the weird idea of "how to organize this shit" - and someone mentioned creating a Wiki like thingie to organize such. Sounds neato! But how the snot does that work? I surely don't want this stuff online, just on this particular laptop. What software/programing language do I have to know? Is there a "Wiki for retards" out there somewhere? Or some other organizational thingie that might work well for a computer system?

*slaps Warren away from the keyboard* BAD Seal!

Mar. 29th, 2009

Warren, Quin and Kip hold up a sign:


Evil wanders about the house with coffee

As Warren and Kip exit the car, Warren kisses the ground and mutters a prayer of thanks.

Kip looks slightly put out.
"I can drive just fine, Warren. I don't see why you get all worried."
"Because you don't drive - you cropdust with your wheels on the ground."
"WELL then you drive."
"No thumbs."
"Ah, well there is that."

They both gather groceries from the car, and wander in the house. As they enter, they stare dumbfounded at the mess that was their living room. Parts of the television are scattered as far as the kitchen, the Tivo is in shambles - bits and pieces of him dangling from the ceiling fan. A baseball bat sticks through the coffee table, shoved right through the wood like Excalibur into the stone.

Kip gulps loudly, "Warren, uh... I'm gonna go in the kitchen. Then I'm gonna go to my room and hide. Deal?"

As Kip runs for her life, Warren wanders over and pulls the bat out of the table. He also gets a flask of scotch from its hiding spot under the couch. "Never go into danger sober, I always stammer."

Carefully, he enters the computer room. Sitting cross-legged in Quin's computer chair is Emma, a gleeful look upon her face and Quin's headphones on her head. Quin is sitting in the floor, looking like she's been through hell. Warren silently creeps beside her.
"Quin, you okay?"
"Yeah. The computer saved the house from utter devastation."
"How so?"
"Well, Emma turned on TiVo to watch 'Castle' - Tivo didn't have it. He apologized, told her he had to delete it for space so he could record Big Love. Emma didn't take kindly to that. She took your bat and went to town. Before I could calm her down, she had taken out TiVo, the TV, the coffee table. Poor CM wandered in to see what was the matter and she chased him up the refrigerator. I finally got her calmed down when I told her maybe the episode was on the computer. SO, she's sated now."
"Thats good, right?"
"Depends Warren. You do know why we've kept her away from the computer for so long, right?"
Warren gets a thoughtful look on his face, then a look of cold fear spreads.
"HOLY SHIT. Please tell me she hasn't figured out internet porn."
"We can only pray, now. Pray."

The "new" girl

Sitting in a chair in front of her computer, Quin has her headset on and is furiously clicking on her mouse. Warren is hanging off her shoulder, cheering her on and trying not to spill his martini on her head.

"SHOOT HIM IN THE SKULL! HEADSHOT! WOOOO! Oh, there is a scout, shoot him. Dodgy bastard! Oooh! Run! Pyro! AHHHHH! Ah, well. He got ya."
"Warren, sweetie. If you want, I'll let you play some. Team Fortress 2 is a kick, it might get some of those frustrations outta your system."
"Nah. Can't."
Warren holds up his flippers. "Yeah, no fingers. Remember?"
Quin cringes, "Oh, sorry. My bad."
"Not to worry, flippers can hold a glass and that's rather all I care for. I mean really, do you want the this much suppressed evil and anger to have the ability to pull a trigger? Besides, much more fun watching you play. OH! RESPAWN!"

Kip wanders into the room, looking very confused. "Guys, who is the new girl?"
Quin's tongue pokes out the side of her mouth in concentration, "Busy, Heavy."
Warren looks up Kip, "What new girl. We haven't had a new face round here since we bought Grindy. And she's in the kitchen singing to CM last I saw."
"Well," Kip begins, "she's in the living room playing with Tivo. She's changing the settings for Monday nights for some reason. Mumbling something about Capt. Tightpants, whoever he is. She's kinda strange, guys. I mean, she looks a bit like me - only older. And in a plaid skirt and pigtails."
Quin and Warren both turn pale and stare at Kip. Warren drops his Martini.
Her voice shaking, Quin says, "A RED Plaid skirt?"
Warren chimes in "With pigtails?"
Quin continues. "Uh, Kip, hon. Would you say she was wearing a Catholic Schoolgirl outfit?"
Kip grins, "YEAH! That's it!"
Warren leaps off the chair and dashes into the living room as Quin tosses her headset to the side.
"It wasn't me, damnit. I locked to door good last time. I swear!"
Kip, again with confusion on her face, follows the two speeding souls.
"Guys? Who is she?"
In unison they reply, "EMMA!"

As they enter the living room, a young girl dressed very much like a catholic schoolgirl, socks and all, is standing next to the television with the remote in her hand. "Tivo, sweetie. Listen. Capt. Tightpants has another series on. I heard the signals of his hotness and I shall record this series. So stop telling me only Warren can control the season pass, or I start deleting things. Starting with Murder She Wrote - I KNOW you love Murder she Wrote, Tivo. So lets not start fighting okay? Give me "Castle" and nobody gets hurt."

As Tivo begans to make apologetic *BLOOKA* noises through his tears, Quin looks down at Warren, "Okay, Fuz. You KNOW we don't let her out when Kip is in the house. It is the RULE. No letting the kindergartner be exposed to the ... the..."
"Sex drive our of subconscious?"
"Yeah. Her."
"Listen pointy ears, I did NOT let her out. I swear! I released her while you and Kip went to the store, let her watch Firefly and an episode of Magnum PI and she went back to her room and I locked the door. JUST LIKE ALWAYS."
"THEN HOW the FRACK is she in the living room, Warren?"
From across the living room, a sultry reply of "Capt. Tightpants trumps locks, you two. Sorry, but when the Fillion is on the TV, no lock can stop me. Who is the kid?"
"I'm KIP!"
Emma turns with a grin, "Yes, yes you are. Have you ever watched Remington Steele?"
Quin claps her hands over Kip's ears. "STOP IT right there, no doing that! She's the last little bit of innocence we have left, dammit. We are NOT going to have you breaking her. Warren, get the bat."
As Warren dashes into the computer room, Quin continues, "Okay - IF you promise not to hurt Kip - we'll stop locking the door. But you gotta PROMISE."
With an audible sigh, Emma puts down the remote. "Okay, promise. No breaking the kid. But I get to watch Castle and Magnum - AND I get a copy of Pathfinder for the DvD player in my room next time you guys go to Best Buy."
Quin nods, "Fair. But no nun's habit."
"AH come ON! Seriously?"
"YES! Seriously!"
Emma grins, "And a copy of Quiggly Down Under."
"You already have that on DVD."
"Yep, broke it."
Warren walks in, "We'll get you another one. I rather like that one as well. BOOM HEADSHOT~"
Quin sighs and removes her hands from Kip's ears.
"Kip, meet Emma. She lives in the bedroom you aren't allowed in. You still aren't allowed in there. But hey, least we don't have to slide food to her under the door now."
"I thought that was for the cat."
"Same difference, Kip. Same difference."